Total Submission Read online

  My heart stops. It sounds risky as hell, to put my life in his hands. What if he pushes me too far? I could get seriously hurt.

  But then I look at Cam, and I know, there’s no safer person in the world. He would never let me come to harm. Everything he’s done so far has proven he cares about my safety above all else.

  My safety, and my pleasure.

  “Have you done it before?” I ask.

  He nods. “A few times, but only with very experienced subs. That’s why I don’t want to pressure you. This isn’t for everyone.”

  “But you like it.” I watch his face, and see the tell-tale glint in his eye.

  “Yes,” he answers simply. “For a dom, the power is like nothing else in the world. And for a sub, the release can be amazing, a rush like never before. But everyone has limits. Maybe this is one of yours. You decide.”

  His words tempt me. Despite my fear, I’m curious.

  “How would this work?”

  He smiles. “Like everything else, you would trust me to take care of you. But this time, we’ll have a safe-word too. A signal that you don’t want to continue. When you use the word or sign, I’ll stop right away. It’s the one line I’ll never cross.”

  I nod. That makes me feel more confident.

  “So if you say, ‘peaches,’ or make a fist like this,” he shows me, “that means you want to stop, no questions asked.”

  “Peaches?” I smile.

  “Because your breasts are like two ripe, delicious peaches.” Cam bends to lick across one nipple. I shudder at the blissful sensation, sinking against him. He moves to my other breast, lapping the bud into a stiff peak that has me writhing.

  He moves from one to the other, nibbling and nipping at the tender flesh. His teeth graze my skin with just the right amount of pressure, teasing me into a state of crazy arousal.

  “Cam,” I murmur. “I’m ready. I want this.”

  “Are you saying yes?” he asks.

  I nod. “Yes. Show me. Control me.”

  Cam picks up his tie from where he discarded it on the bed. Gently, he loops it around my neck. The silk whispers against my skin, feeling soft and sensual as Cam leans in and claims my mouth in a slow kiss.

  His tongue caresses mine as the tie tightens. My heart starts to race with the danger and excitement of it, and my breaths get shorter and more rapid beneath the pressure of the silk around my neck.

  He kisses me deeper, pushing me back on the bed until I’m lying under him. He slides a hand up the inside of my thigh and lightly strokes against my clit, teasing me. I part my legs, opening up to him. His breath gets faster and he slides a finger, then two, deep inside my aching pussy.

  I’m open and eager, my first incredible orgasm still relaxing me completely.

  Cam breaks the kiss and positions himself on one elbow above me. He loosens the tie and waits for me to catch my breath before he begins to tighten it again.

  “Take a breath,” he murmurs. “Hold it until I tell you to let go.”

  I do as he commands me, holding his gaze as he pumps his fingers deeper in my slick and needy channel. Time slips by, and I get light-headed, but he doesn’t tell me to release. I get lost in the feel of him, the dizzying stroke of his fingers on my clit, blood pounding in my ears as he takes me to the brink again—

  “Now.”

  I gasp for air in a whoosh. Oxygen floods my lungs, I feel light-headed and alive with exhilaration.

  “Wow,” I gasp. “That was intense.”

  Cam looks approving. “It wasn’t too much for you?” he asks.

  I shake my head, eager now. “No, I want to try more.”

  “More?” Cam’s voice turns teasing. He nudges his hard, stiff cock against me, and I moan.

  “More, please. Master.”

  .

  He groans. “God, I love it when you call me that.”

  “And I love saying it,” I admit.

  “That’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he murmurs, as if sensing my last measure of shame. “You belong to me, and that’s a beautiful thing.”

  It is. Everything about the relationship between us is beautiful and precious to me. He understands me better than I understand myself – sees my most private desires and meets the needs I never even knew I had.

  Now I want to please him. To show him the pleasure and power I know he craves so much.

  “I’m ready,” I tell him, reaching to slide my hands over his ass. I spread my thighs wider, opening myself to him. “I’m ready to take it all.”

  Cam’s eyes flash with desire, and then he moves into position above me. He takes my wrists, pinning them down into the mattress with one hand, totally dominating me.

  Then he thrusts deep inside in a single stroke.

  Fuck, he feels so good! His cock fills me up completely, so deep, so deliciously right.

  I moan, arching up against him, and he rewards me with another hard thrust. His hand closes around the silk tie, pulling tighter, applying more pressure as he fucks me harder.

  God, this is intense! I can feel the pressure, tight around my neck. It’s cutting off my air-supply now, making every sensation even more vivid. The weight of his body, bearing down on me. The damp heat of sweat, slick between us. The stroke of Cam’s cock, rubbing high inside me, driving me crazy with pleasure and desire.

  The seconds stretch into an infinity. I feel the pressure build, it’s almost too much—

  Cam releases the tie, and I gasp for air. My head is spinning, but it’s like I’m climbing to some high mountain peak, my whole body pumping with breathless heat. Now he thrusts again, and God, I’m in a daze, moving with him in a desperate, hungry grind. He angles his hips, hitting my clit too with every hard slam, and I cry out, hearing my voice as if from far away.

  Cam bears down on me, so determined, completely in control. He twists the tie in his hand. “Ready?” he growls. I nod.

  He pulls the tieclosed again, his face blazing with a domination so intense that it consumes me. I yield to him, rushing to the edge. I can’t move, I can’t breathe, all I can do is take what he gives me, over and over, the thick, sweet slam of his cock splitting me in two as my head pounds and my heart races, and the world starts to slip away into pure ecstasy.

  It’s the most incredible surrender I’ve ever known.

  Cam, my Cam, looks deep into my eyes. He can see everything, all the way to my very soul. I’m dizzy, reeling, floating off to some higher plane. My lungs constrict, burning for air, but all I can feel is the two of us and the burning connection of his gaze, and how he’s moving inside me, fuck, so deep inside, hitting everything just right, possessing me, until I can’t take it anymore—

  “Come for me,” he gasps, fucking me hard. “Come now!”

  He releases the tie. Air rushes into my lungs, cold and crisp, and the sensation is so sharp that it mingles with the pleasure of his cock and the ache of my body and my whole being shatters in a mind-blowing, life-changing orgasm. Pleasure rocks through me, again and again. I’m split open, naked and exposed, every emotion rushing out in one overwhelming tidal wave.

  I hear a ragged groan and then Cam explodes inside of me, pumping hard as we both ride the waves of pleasure until our climax fades away.

  It’s pure heaven. I’m overcome.

  Sobs well in my chest.

  “Isabelle?” Cam’s face is stricken with concern and tenderness.

  I’m embarrassed by my tears. But I can’t stop, something in me has broken wide open, and now I can’t stop all my emotion from flooding out in a wash of loud, messy sobs.

  In his arms, I’m finally free.

  “Let it out, Isabelle. Let it all out.” Cam cradles me to him. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. You’re safe now. Everything’s going to be alright.”

  In his arms, I’m finally free. I don’t want any secrets between us. I don’t want to hide anymore.

  I gulp a shaky breath and wipe away my tears. “I need to tell you the truth about what happened to
me,” I tell him, my body wracked with emotion. “Why I’m running, why Brent has this hold over me. Because he knows the secret I’m hiding, and he won’t let me go, and I can’t… I can’t…”

  It’s too overwhelming, I can’t hold back the sobs.

  “Whatever you’ve done, whatever you’re hiding, it won’t change how I feel about you,” Cam vows. “Trust me, Isabelle. I’ll protect you, no matter what the cost.”

  He’s so calm, so sure, it gives me strength. To straighten up, and look him in the eye, and confess the dark secret I’ve been hiding so long.

  “I… I killed someone, Cam.”

  TEN: CAM

  I freeze in shock. I can’t believe it – that Isabelle would be capable of such a thing. But she’s lost in her own guilt and emotion right now, sobbing so hard it slices through my chest.

  I reach for her without thinking. “Shh,” I murmur, holding her tightly. “I’m right here. I’m listening.”

  Isabelle takes a raw breath. “I didn’t mean to, I swear. Or maybe I did. Maybe a part of me wanted to hurt him. But I didn’t realize…”

  She breaks into tears. I calm her again. “Just start at the beginning. Tell me everything.”

  Isabelle shakes in my arms. “After my mom went to jail, I bounced around group homes and foster placements for years. Some of them were OK, but most of the time, the people couldn’t care less about us. We were just a paycheck to them, expected to look after ourselves.”

  I think back to the file Jake showed me, and feel the rage build. How could anyone mistreat an innocent child like Isabelle? How could they not show her the love she deserves?

  Isabelle takes another breath. She’s calming now, sitting back so I can see her face, and all the pained emotion flooding her beautiful blue eyes.

  “When I was twelve, I went to stay with the Claytons. There were three kids there already, and we all slept in the same room together. Mrs. Clayton worked at the hospital, she was gone all the time. So was Mr. Clayton, at first, but then he lost his job.”

  She takes another breath. I take her hand and hold it tight. My poor beautiful girl.

  “He started drinking all the time, hanging around the house. He would always walk in on the older girls, when they were changing or in the shower or whatever.” Isabelle shudders at the memory. “It was creepy, and wrong, but what could we do? And none of us wanted to cause problems. Mrs. Clayton was nice enough, and anything was better than the group homes.”

  I get a sinking feeling, I know where this is going. “Did he touch you?” I ask softly, holding back my anger.

  Isabelle swallows. “Not at first,” she whispers. “But then Kayla, one of the other girls, she turned sixteen and left. And it was me and Crystal, and she was just a kid. My age, but younger, you know? She still couldn’t sleep without her teddy bear. So… So he started paying attention to me instead.”

  I want to murder that piece of filth. I want to rip him limb from limb.

  “I managed to keep away from him,” Isabelle continues. “I would get up early, and sleep in the bed with Crystal, and stay out of his way. But one day, I was home from school, sick. I had a fever, and there was nobody else around. I was sleeping, and when I woke up… he was on top of me,” her voice breaks, “trying to get under the covers.”

  I focus on staying calm. Isabelle needs me to listen right now, not rage against the filthy bastard who dared abuse her. “It’s OK,” I soothe her again.

  Isabelle angrily wipes away her tears. “I tried to fight him, but he was so much bigger than me. But he was drunk, and sloppy, and I managed to get away. He chased me through the house, and I guess he tripped and hit his head. He passed out on the floor, bleeding. I didn’t… I didn’t stay to help. I just ran, as fast as I could, back to school, and pretended I’d been there the whole day. But when I got home again…”

  She stops, her eyes turning wretched. “I must have knocked over an ashtray when I ran, but I didn’t stop. The whole place burned to the ground. He died in the fire, Cam. He died, and I left him to burn!”

  “No, you didn’t,” I insist, hugging her to me. “You didn’t mean to hurt him.”

  “But I did.” Isabelle blinks at me. “He was laying there, bleeding all over the floor. I could have helped him, I could have called someone or gone to a neighbor. But I didn’t. I stood over his body, and hoped he’d never wake up. And I got my wish!”

  I grip her shoulders tightly. “Don’t say that, Isabelle. You were just a scared kid, you weren’t responsible for what happened, do you hear me? You were defending yourself, that’s all. Nobody could blame you for it.”

  Her face twists. “Brent did. When I told him, we were teenagers. He said that I murdered Clayton, and if anyone found out, I would go to prison for the rest of my life. I can’t take the guilt,” she sobs, “I’m so, so sorry.”

  I swallow back the rage. How could Brent do this to her? She’s been through so much. But now I see the terrible weight she’s been carrying, believing all these years she was responsible for this man’s death.

  That she was bad and rotten, and could be sent to jail at any moment.

  “Look at me, Isabelle,” I command.

  She’s still crying desperate sobs, so I tilt her chin up towards me and stare reassuringly into her eyes. “You’re safe now, I promise. The past is gone, it’s all over. You did nothing wrong, I swear. You did whatever it took to survive, but I don’t believe for a second you killed him. You’re a good person, it’s in your bones. He was the bad one, he preyed on you, and tried to hurt you. And he got what he deserved.”

  Isabelle’s eyes seem to brighten. “You… you don’t hate me?” she asks in a whisper.

  Is that what she’s been thinking? That if I discovered her secret, I would walk away? No wonder she’s kept her distance, always holding back, trying to keep control.

  “No. I could never hate you, my darling,” I swear. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  I see the relief in her eyes. “I’ve been holding it in so long,” she takes a deep breath. “I thought I’d never be free from the secret.”

  “You are now.” I kiss her softly, feeling her yield to me, totally trusting. “You’re free. The past can’t hurt you anymore.”

  ELEVEN: ISABELLE

  That night between us changes everything.

  Before, I was holding back, scared to surrender to him for fear I would reveal my dark secret. No matter how much I wanted to obey him and submit, a part of me felt like I was on the edge of a tall cliff, too terrified to make the leap. Afraid that after he knew everything, he wouldn’t want me.

  Now I’m falling, but it’s an amazing feeling. I know that Cam will catch me before I hit the ground.

  Always, he’ll be there.

  Now, we’re more in sync than ever before. We fall into a relaxed routine, waking up together every morning, and eating breakfast together before he goes to work. I changed my phone number and haven’t heard from Brent. And when I go out, the security guard Cam hired to stay near me in public makes me feel safe and protected. It’s been a week now, and I’ve loved the freedom of spending my days alone: sometimes I meet Olivia for lunch, but mostly I’ve been enjoying the city, visiting art galleries and museums, and planning more charity events.

  I’ve been thinking I can do more than just the usual fundraising. When my father died, he left a lot of money to a charitable foundation in the family name. I never felt confident enough to talk to the board about our donations, but now I’m planning a meeting to discuss what we do with that money. I’d love to be able to start a program helping foster kids, or organizing volunteers and day trips for kids in group homes so that they can see the world outside the narrow confines of the system.

  I’ve been blessed with so much. For years, I was panicked about it being snatched away again, but now with Cam I feel a security I’ve never felt before. Maybe I can stop worrying about losing it all, and start thinking about giving it away instead.

  The wee
k speeds past, until suddenly, it’s Friday. My birthday.

  I haven’t told Cam – birthdays are always weird for me, a bittersweet reminder of my life with the woman who was my birth mom. The Ashcrofts liked to splash out with fancy dinners and gifts for me, but it always made me feel like they were trying too hard to erase the past. Now, I prefer a quiet, low-key day, so I don’t say a word to Cam, and instead spend the day at the spa, brainstorming ideas for my meeting with the foundation. By the time I let myself in the penthouse in the evening, I’m all relaxed – and full of great ideas for outreach to the kids.

  “Cam?” I call, stepping into the apartment. He said he might be home early for dinner. I love our evenings in together: every night, he shows me a new side to our pleasure, pushing me further, teaching me all the ways I can surrender.

  My shoes step on something soft. I stop. The hallway is covered with rose petals, stretching into the living room.

  My heart leaps. “Cam?” I call again, following the trail down the hall.

  In the living room, Cam waits – surrounded by a mountain of gift-wrapped boxes. “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

  I gasp. “You did all this for me?” I look around in amazement. The room is covered in hundreds of roses in cut-class vases. They’re my favorite white English variety, the kind with sweet scented perfume. It looks like every available surface is covered, and the floor is piled with boxes and bags. “Cam, how did you know?”

  He gets up and takes me in his arms, giving me a slow, hot kiss. “You’re mine,” he says possessively. “It’s my job to know everything about you.”

  Damn, he’s hot when he’s all dominant like this.

  I look around, overwhelmed. How did I get so lucky with this man? Everything he does makes me feel so special and treasured.

  “Come sit down and open your presents,” Cam grins, like he’s the one celebrating. He leads me to the couch.